Happy Cinco de Mayo, my friend!
Would you consider yourself to be an extrovert or an introvert? I think the easiest way to determine that is to ask yourself if you feel “recharged” by being with other people or being alone. I am, without question, an introvert. And you know what? That’s something to be proud of. Introverts are often deep thinkers, excellent listeners, and can offer thoughtful empathy and insight. In fact, I might be considered, in some circles, to be the Queen of All Introverts. There is no ceremony for this honor, however, as people don’t want to go. They’d all rather stay home. Me included.
I can still recall a time when I was in the car with my mom. I must have been in my early high school years. We were driving around our hometown when, up ahead, a girl was walking, nay bouncing, along the street. I recognized her immediately. She was a couple of years older than I was and a consummate extrovert. She had piles of friends, and even those of us who just knew who she was liked her. She was funny and friendly, very popular despite not being considered typically “pretty.” But she was smiling all the time. Even that day, as we drove past her, she walked all by herself; she was smiling and bouncing along as if she had never seen a sad day in her life.
As we passed her, I said to my mom, “That girl is always smiling! She always looks so happy!” I remember my mom saying back to me, without hesitation, “That’s how you should be.”
I’m sure she didn’t mean it as anything bad, but in that moment, I felt—wrong. Not quite good enough. Not quite cheery and bouncy enough. It’s not that I was a sad kid, I just knew that this girl talked to everyone! And I knew I never would be like that. I mean, I can seem all cheery and perky, too, I suppose, but after a few hours of that, I need to recover. And by recover, I mean BE ALONE AND NOT TALK TO ANYONE! As my also-introverted daughter says after any draining social time, she needs to “go home and stare at a wall for an hour.”
No wonder her and my favorite places are bookstores, libraries, and museums—places where being quiet is the norm. Ahhh, what wondrous places are these!
There are a few places my introverted heart goes on high alert.
- Anytime I’m in a new group, and we’re starting off with an “ice breaker.” Just typing those two words makes me sweat. I secretly pray for a zombie apocalypse to start and put me out of my misery.
- Those moments at church when we’re supposed to “greet someone with a handshake or a hug.” I shake the hands of those in front and back of me and to the sides, but that doesn’t take that long, and other people seem to be working the whole room, hugging and having entire conversations as I’m praying for the music to just start already.
- Dinner parties. Not that we do that a lot. Is it OK to say yes to the dinner and no to the party? Or can I just bring a book and wait in the car? Once again, bring on the zombies!
The problem with being quiet is that the world doesn’t always seem to recognize or respect that quality. In our culture, it’s often seen as “better” to be bold! To be loud! To stand out from the crowd! To speak up and make your voice heard above all others! Ugh – – the very thought. But here’s the thing—being quiet is powerful in its own way. Introverts notice the details others might miss, listen deeply, and can offer calm, comforting wisdom when it’s needed most. A quiet presence often brings a sense of steady strength and thoughtful action. Sometimes the softest voices make the biggest impact.
I’ve seen a meme more than once that is a photo of a string of little girls in tutus standing at a ballet barre. There are five young girls standing at the barre, four of them are looking off to the side at what is probably their teacher. The fifth little girl, at the far right, is hanging upside down on the barre, being brash and “doing her own thing.” The caption says, “Be like the girl on the right,” encouraging us all to be the funny, free-spirited one. The one who doesn’t follow the directions. All the other quiet little girls aren’t as good as the loud one at the end.
Oh, I can hold my own with other people. I can smile, chat, and (maybe) look as cool as a cucumber. But, you better believe I’m going to need some wall-staring time when it’s all over.
So what’s the deal with all this? How is there encouragement here? Well, if you happen to be one of my quiet friends who isn’t the loudest voice in the room or one who sticks out in a crowd, I just wanted to encourage you to keep being you. You bring calm to chaos, and you notice things others might brush past. The world needs people like you to listen deeply, to create, to reflect, and to remind everyone that not all strength has to shout. There might not be cute, funny memes about us, and we might get overlooked by our more boisterous friends, but we still matter. I mean, someone needs to be the one to read all the books, stare at all those walls, and quietly visit all those museums!
Nothing against you extroverts out there, God love you! The world might be too quiet without you. We do need you to do all the jobs that we can’t do: be salespeople, realtors, talk show hosts, and all those other people-y jobs we find so difficult.
To my quiet friends, take heed to what Mahatma Gandhi said: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”
Shake it up gently, my friend!
Written with love – – – Patti XOXO
Mayim Bialik gets me. Check out this video!