Hey there, friend! Long time, no “e”!!
I was thinking recently about how often we judge one another and how sometimes we get stuff wrong. Let me tell you about a time when I felt that prickly judgment from another.
I was a young mom living in Minnesota. Kevin had always traveled for work, so I was used to being home alone, but being home alone with two small kids in the dead of winter was a whole other thing. In this particular instance, he was gone over a weekend.
Having not seen another adult in days, I decided to take the kids to church on Sunday morning. Now, remember, this is Minnesota in winter—this required wrangling a preschooler and a toddler into snowsuits, boots, hats, mittens, and scarves. Sean was still quite little, so chances are there was a diaper bag involved as well. It was no small task to get out the door in those days.
Off to church we went. There, I went through the unbundling process, attended the worship service, and then bundled everyone again. While I had them and myself out, I thought a little lunch was in order. Off to Hardee’s we went. (Yeah, I’m fancy like that.) Inside the restaurant, we went through the unbundling again. I ordered a couple of kids’ meals, one for myself, and got us all settled in a booth. As I was slipping Sean into a high chair and unwrapping his plain cheeseburger, I noticed an elderly couple sitting two booths away. I saw the woman was noticing us as well—and scowling in my direction.
When I finally sat down, feeling pretty good about myself, thank you very much, that I had managed to get my little crew out of the house, to church, and now to lunch, I overheard that scowling lady say to her husband, “You just watch—that kid is going to take two bites of that meal, and she’s going to end up throwing the rest away!”
And like a balloon that was filled with air and then let go to deflate and hit the ground, any feeling of accomplishment I’d had a minute ago disappeared. I wanted to cry.
She had no idea what I’d gone through that morning just to get out the door. It would have been so much easier to stay home, but I wanted “going to church” to be a part of my kids’ Sunday routine. She had no idea that my husband was gone a lot, and I would go for days with no other adult contact. She saw something so different than what was actually happening, made a judgment, and jumped to a conclusion.
Would I ever do that?
Oops. Yes, I would.
Let’s fast-forward a whole bunch, shall we? We are now sitting in a restaurant in the present day. I glance at the table beside me to see a young family sitting together. Both of the kids are on tablets or phones, watching videos. Guess who’s scowling now? That would be me. But something happened last week that made me “stop the scowl!”
I was in Ocala with my son and his family. They had just welcomed their second son, True, a week prior. (Oh my gosh, he’s so cute!) I stayed with them for a few days to help out. One day, I decided to take Beck (their 3-year-old) out for the day and give Mom and Dad a break.
We went to a cool place in town called the Discovery Center, where kids can see many critters like lizards, snakes, and tarantulas and do all sorts of fun activities. We had a great time there, and when Beck had done everything, I thought a little lunch was in order. So off we went to McDonald’s. (Yes, I’m still very fancy.) I planned to go through the drive-thru, but Beck objected and said he wanted to park and go in. It’s hard to argue with his adorable face, so we parked and went inside.
It was a busy place. We managed to order our food, but instead of filling up our tray right there, we were given a number and told our food would be brought to us. Beck chose a table, and we plopped down. Then I heard it. The words slipped from Beck’s mouth to my ears.
“I want to watch a video on your phone.”
I didn’t even hesitate. I instantly dug my phone out of my purse, ordered up some Bluey on YouTube, and pushed the phone over toward Beck.
Uh-oh. I did it. I did that thing I’d scowled at other caregivers for. I wanted to quickly make a sign that read, “But I just had him at the Discovery Center for two hours!” and hold it over our table. But did I really need to explain myself? Does anyone really need to? Can we just give the benefit of the doubt a little more often?
My takeaway from that moment at McDonald’s was not to pass judgment on others when I think they are doing something wrong. No, I wouldn’t say I like it when I see families out, and everyone is on a device, but I also don’t deal with a wiggly child all day long. The fact is, we just don’t know what anyone else is going through at any given time.
I heard a funny expression that I think is apropos for this situation: “Keep your nose where it goes.” We may never know what a person has gone through or is going through. Rather than making a judgment and giving a scowl, how about offering an encouraging remark instead? I’m talking to myself, by the way, and hoping I heed my own advice. I think our fellow sojourners in life could use a lot more benefit and a lot less doubt.
I’m hoping you are on the receiving end of more smiles and no scowls this week!
Written with love – – – Patti XOXO
“If you must look back, do so forgivingly.
If you must look forward, do so prayerfully.
However, the wisest thing you can do is be present in the present. . . . Gratefully.”
Maya Angelou